Spackler 2002 Retrospective

scoring spreadsheets
2002 Images

On September 12, 2002 fifteen golf crazy men converged on Littleton, Colorado to kick off the 3rd annual Carl Spackler Invitational. Most of the duffers were front range Colorado locals, but we did add some diversity (compared to 2001) with the addition of a Californian, Bob Major, and a Pacific Northwesterner, Brian Cruz. The organizers - Brian Brown, Steve Ivy, Todd Miklos, and Rusty Bailey - had dedicated many of Hewlett Packard's hours on the meticulous planning of this trip, we even printed our very own "Bushwood" sign thanks to HP technology (and free ink). Raccoon Creek was the site where the planning ended and the fun began.

Things started off a little rough as the organizers almost came to blows with a scab Spacklerite who was only there for the Raccoon Creek round. We shall call him "Sally" because he was so high-maintenance. Then the scoreboard system in the golf carts went a little haywire. After these minor irritations were dealt with, we all teed off and enjoyed the start of another trip to nirvana.

Eighteen holes and too many shots later we gathered around to assess the damage. After some higher level math and a couple of brews, we found Mike Codd ("Oh, Mike Codd!") in possession of the Yellow Jerseyed Gopher. Tom Shoenleber earned the indignity of wearing the high net scorer's floppy hat, and Mike Rudd got the coveted Billy Baroo putter awarded to the golfer taking the fewest putts.

Awards duly distributed, we saddled up and headed west. A stop for dinner in Edwards (just west of Vail) left Brian and Rusty a little light in the wallet due to a lost steak bet to Steve and Todd. But Ed Knudsen's "Billy Bob" teeth and "power of the bean" speech sent us all on our way in laughter. A few hours and one roadside regurgitation later, we arrived in Grand Junction. All were delighted with the luxurious accomodations at the Mesa Inn. Sadly, the lack of shoe models in town did distress a couple Spacklerites.

Day two started a little cool and cloudy as the remnants of some badly needed rainstorms left the area. We arrived at Redlands Mesa after a couple of detours through the sidestreets of west Grand Junction - purely for the scenery of course - and were impressed right away with the incredible redrock canyon setting. Four and a half hours later we were equally impressed with the golf course as well (all except for the 14th hole, that is; the designer, Jim Engh, must have decided that playing seventeen great golf holes should be balanced with playing one truly bad golf hole).

The course has some really amazing holes, but the seventeenth (pictured above) is a feat of human ingenuity. It's a 200 plus yard par three with a green that is tucked into a bowl shaped area under a ridge and a tee box that is perched a couple hundred feet up on an opposing mesa. The treacherous path up to the tee boxes could easily result in some golf cart carnage for drivers distracted by the views.

Two rounds on this course can use up a lot of golf balls and make one's handicap seem a little inadequate. The rough is filled with huge rocks that can send stray shots ricocheting just about anywhere - or, in the case of Mike Rudd (on the par three pictured at left), to within ten feet of the hole. Most of the rest of us weren't as fortunate and we spent a good part of the day hiking in the natural areas. But it sure is pretty country for a hike.

The updated standings after two rounds sent the Yellow Gopher on a visit to Allen Buckner's golf bag, the high score hat ended up with Ed Knudsen, and Billy Barroo went to someone - 'not sure who because we didn't keep very accurate records on this award. Once again, we lied about all of our great shots over a few beers, got to see a beautiful thunderstorm and rainbow off in the distance, and then headed out of town. We left Grand Junction with a deep sense of lost golf balls and a need to return to Redlands Mesa next year.

We had a wonderfully restful night of sleep at the Super 8 motel in Parachute, Colorado. This fine example of roadside lodging gave us all a taste of what might have been if we had just enrolled in one of those truck-driving schools that advertise on late-late-night TV. And we learned of some interesting ways Super 8 passes cost savings on to the consumer - instead of alarm clocks, they just have rednecks fire up their diesel pickups at 5 AM every day.

We breakfasted at the best restaurant in Parachute - actually I think it's the only restaurant in Parachute - and then headed over to Battlement Mesa. Some may know of this area as the land of the "blue-hairs who didn't invest quite well enough", but others of us have heard that there is a really nice golf course hiding over the hill from I-70. It was a bloody cold morning for golf so we made sure to loosen up and get our bodies ready to go, though there were some issues with the availability of toilet facilities - which seems odd for a course that caters to retired folks.

Once we had everything worked out and warmed up, things got started. The crew found the Battlement Mesa course to be a very nice layout with some pretty challenging greens. The highlight of the day was a hole-in-one scored by Tony Zink - and the beers that Tony bought for all of us between rounds. Those beers came in handy for the afternoon round because we teed off after a group of pokey retirees. We only hit into them once or twice and no significant medical attention was requred to treat the victims. With 90 holes behind us, Allen Buckner was still in possession of the Yellow Gopher, setting up the possibility for a long-term relationship with the coveted rodent. The Spackler contingent packed up and headed for Glendwood Springs and the next tour stop, River Valley Ranch.

Our day at River Valley Ranch started off a little rocky. The dork running the pro shop was a junior sized assistant ball washer from Wisconsin sporting a snotty-nose and an attitude. Brian Brown nearly burst a blood vessel in his forehead after asking the cheesehead if yardage books were complimentary, only to be informed that they cost six bucks even though the course got them for free from the local realtors. We put that trauma behind us and teed off in the chilly mist onto a course with as much challenge as any we have faced on all prior Spacklers.

The first thing you notice about River Valley Ranch is the scenery. There's Mount Sopris off in the distance towards Aspen, and most of the holes on the course follow the very scenic Crystal River. The next thing you'll notice, is that every hole on the course has rough that is tall and thick enough to hide a small elephant. On many occasions throughout the 36 holes we played there, one golfer would hit a ball into the rough right next to another golfer - within a few feet of him - and still the ball would be lost. Most of us had never seen anything like it before. But the course is beautiful and worthy of a place on future Spackler Tours.

Aside from the punk in the pro shop, we were very impressed with the rest of the staff working at the club, especially those at the bar and grill. The food was good and the service was great. They kept the beer flowing though I don't think they even billed us for much of it.. Perhaps it was because we complained about the pro, or perhaps it was because we looked like the course had taken us to the proverbial wood shed. Wood shed or not, the scores were tabulated, and the Gopher was allowed to keep Allen Buckner's driver firmly planted in its rear end. Allen's bag did suffer a casualty though as his sand wedge spontantously broke in two in the middle of the morning round.

Our day of golf through, we adjourned to the annual Spackler Banquet at a Cajun restaurant in Glenwood Springs. The brothers from other mothers (Ed, Bob, and Steve) kept the crowd entertained, and we all enjoyed the best seafood, gumbo, and etouffe, you can find near the Continental Divide. After dinner, the group returned to the Hampton Inn for an evening of nickel, dime, quarter poker. Ed broke out the teeth and glasses again and kept the rest of the players doubled over in laughter - which may or may not have allowed him to cheat shamelessly.

Monday, the last day of the Spackler, started off with a two hour drive to Silverthorne in Summit County. Our final challenge for this year was the Raven at Three Peaks. Rumor has it that the name has something to do with these three peaks that surround the course, but we're still not sure. This course is another example of why Colorado is one of the best golf states in the country. We were lucky to be there while the aspen trees were turning color and equally lucky that there was no frost. The fairways were immaculate, the greens were firm and fast, and the pretty cart girls were somewhere else (which is the norm for the Spackler Tour).

The Raven was a great course to finish on for most of us, but our first group off (Ed, Bob, and Steve) was forced to wait quite a bit. Several times we heard something that sounded just like Al Cervyk from Caddyshack yelling , "Let's go! While we're young!." But it was probably just noise from the wind blowing through the trees. We finished up at about 4:00 in the afternoon with Allen still leading the tour. He finished with the best cumulative score for the tour and gets to keep the Gopher until the next Spackler convenes in September 2003. He also finished with the low net score and gets to keep the Golden Gopher bobble head trophy for the year.

The Spackler Invitational Golf Tour of 2002 was in the books and our families were eagerly awaiting our return (or so we hoped). We said our final farewells and shed a few tears at the thought of returning to work the next day. The ride home was spent planning next year's event. We're thinking of hiring our own cart girls to accompany the tour in 2003.